I found myself

Well, I can't exactly say I was HIT by it, so to speak...It was more like a realization of what I had somehow felt my entire life.

I was surprised to notice that too much attention on my life and health bothered me greatly...in a stalkish kind of way. Meaning that I felt somewhat supervised whenever someone asked "are you ok? as well as "aren't you going to do...that?"

I realized that somewhere along the way I started to bottle up my feelings, not showing when I was hurt or in pain, mainly because I knew it made no difference to those around me. Sure, I would tell when I felt sick, but that didn't mean I felt the need to yelp whenever my ankle hurt like hell or when I felt like my heart was being ripped in two by hurtful words. I kept quiet and kept the tears in, not trusting myself enough to let them fall. I would make a scene then, and it would be the last thing I wanted.

So now I know... I will always be a free spirit, not the kind that needs more guys than one. Just someone who needs her time alone, who does things out of pleasure and not duty or planning. Someone who can take care of herself because she is too proud to let others make her feel weak. I will kep my head high...but I will not need someone just to feel like belonging.... I will have moodswings, be happy most of the time, but share the feeling a best friend has when he/she is feelin down. I will smile, and be cheerful, sometimes lost in thought, but cute in my own way. I'll listen and I'll talk back...but I won't back down from a challenge...I'm stronger than that.